4PM Happy Hour – June 28, 2010

It's officially summer, and the weather is wonderful here in Chicago! Get out and enjoy it!

T-Mo made the news with his rep of U.S.A Pride @ the World Cup

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup

PRETORIA, South Africa — A few hours before the gut-roiling USA victory here, I witnessed a tense moment of another sort when two well-lubricated American yahoos tore into Sunil Gulati, the head of the U.S. Soccer Federation. Here's how it unfolded ...

Sometime after noon, I made my way to Hombaze, the pre-game boozing site for hardcore Stars and Stripes fans. And boozing they were. Waiters were bringing around six packs of Castle beer. The lads were downing lager as fast as they could lay hands on a bottle. Everyone was sauced and ebullient. Then Sunil Gulati turned up.

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup

Let's consider for a moment what it says about the head of a nation's soccer federation that he's willing to ford his way into a heaving mob of drunken ultras. It says good things. It smacks of mensch-iness. Gulati — accompanied by MLS chief Don Garber — marched straight into the Hombaze parking lot, which by then had been commandeered by an overflow crowd. They greeted the fans, shook hands, talked shop. Most were delighted to meet them and asked for photos. One handed Gulati a red, white, and blue vuvuzela.

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup

It was then, from the balcony of the bar, that an evil howling commenced. Even over the patriotic commotion you could hear it, an expression of pure animal rage that ran through the crowd like a dirty shank.


I craned my head to locate the source of the disturbance. There it was, damn near foaming at the mouth, a massive hydra-like beast berserking at the railing of the balcony. There were two of them, actually. Two bodies layered in lagerfat. One voice united in hatred.

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup

The creature thundered profanities at Gulati. Disguised in Team USA apparel, it had concealed itself perfectly in the crowd, perhaps in anticipation of this very assault. But now it had lurched up and was spitting acid. A circle opened up around the brute as it flailed in fury, its meatrolls flinging grease.


(Their complaints about Gulati, I would later learn, were manifold, and their origins were difficult to discern. They had something to do with the USSF and banners being prohibited in stadiums and ticket sales and Mexicans sitting in their section and not having "a seat at the table.")

A South African journalist with me took one look at the horror and fled for a nearby pancake house. (An hour later, she was still shaken up at the thought of the monster loose on the streets, devouring the weak.) Gulati lasted only a few minutes longer. The shrieking grew louder and louder. There was no security here and soon it would be impossible to contain the demon. With the right trajectory, the obesity might even be able to hurl itself from the balcony and lash out Gulati's brains. The U.S. Soccer Federation president twisted his face into a painful grimace. It was time to go. And off he went.

What became of the beast, I do not know. But I caught a glimpse of something enormous and primal bellowing in the stands after the Donovan goal. From a distance, I could not make out if it was covered in blood or merely an American flag.

* * *

We may be the plucky underdogs of the soccer world; we may be a global superpower in decline. But don't for a minute doubt our ability to make public asses of ourselves. I offer up another choice example:

While walking to the stadium in Pretoria, I snapped a photo of this woman.

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup

See the man behind her and to her right? The guy almost obscured by the flag? Well, as soon as I took the photo, he approached me and made some dumb "I hate the media" crack about how the woman would soon be on Facebook with a Hitler mustache. Well, I thought that idea was pretty swell. And I told him so.

At which point, he sneered and gave me this mocked-up piece of South African currency:

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup

That bug-eyed-alien-looking thing on the right is supposed to be Jacob Zuma, the president of South Africa.

"You know why he's got a shower on his head?" the man continued. "Because he had sex with a chick with AIDS and then washed it off with a shower. That's what they believe."


"The South Africans."

There it is again. They they they. The way he said it, this sad wet fart of a man might as well have called them "niggers" (or the k-word, as it's known here). He claimed to have lived in South Africa for a year, but I'd bet 200,000,000 phony rand that he hasn't talked to a single black South African beyond asking for his check at a restaurant. As if to prove my theory, Wet Fart stomped off muttering something nasty about Obama. Can't we ban these people from coming to the World Cup, too?

Anyhow, as a reward to you, pal, we are going to add a Hitler ‘stache to the photo, just not to your ladyfriend:

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup


An occasional look at the spirited gentleman fans and other exotic fauna of the World Cup. Today: U.S. supporter T-Mo, out of Chicago.

The Shrieking, AIDS-Joking, Gulati-Taunting Ugly Americans Of The World Cup

The U.S. is 5-0-2 since T-Mo began wearing his suit. It has never been washed, unless you count the Axe he sprays on it.

4PM Happy Hour – June 25, 2010

Happy Friday! Thanks to the Golden Child (aka Alex Smith) for the 2nd article. Shout out to C.Ponce for the idea of starting the happy hour! Have a safe weekend!

The Curious Case of the Composting Rapper

June 25, 2010 by CookReformer
Filed under: Budget, Reform, Spending, Todd Stroger

Todd Stroger and his allies claim they’ve cut the budget “to the bone.”

They’ve justified their tax hikes by saying the county is in dire budget straights and they need more of your hard-earned tax dollars to keep government providing frontline services.

So then why did they provide a $24,795 contract to a rap music promoter as part of a “composting awareness” effort?

That’s right, as you can see from the Fox Chicago News segment below, a rap promoter named Terrell “Shorty Capone” Harris received his contract as part of a $10 million federal grant to promote environmental awareness. So, not only is Cook County wasting local tax dollars — taxpayers across the country can rest assured that Cook County is wasting theirs, as well.

http://www.myfoxchicago.com/dpp/news/investigative/cook-county-contract-rap-promoter-compost-20100621 <<<The video is the best part

4PM Happy Hour – June 24, 2010

Hey everyone...happy Thursday! Just wanted to let everyone know that www.4PMHappyHour.com is now live and operational. Still working some kinks out, but every days post automatically goes there. So in case you are away from email, you can still share with everyone. If there is anyone you'd like me to add to the distribution list, just let me know!


Video of the storms hitting Chicago last night..


Pretty awesome phone app

Dang, that pastor just owned his youth ministry.

You couldn't make up this news headline if you tried